15 Best Ways to Torture Your Toddler Today

Krystal DeVille

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Toddlers are some of the most dramatic people on earth. They’re discovering for the very first time what it means to be a person, which can be challenging! One parent took to a popular internet forum to ask other parents, “How have you tortured your toddler today?” They gave a classic example: “I brushed my daughter’s teeth and wiped yogurt off her face. Classic medieval torture techniques.” Other toddler parents responded with hilarious answers, from keeping kids out of harm’s way to simply serving dinner.

1. Putting Their Shoes on the Right Feet

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Toddlers are constantly learning, which means parents often step in to show them how it’s done. According to one user, their toddler does not appreciate this. “I corrected which shoe goes on each foot. You would have thought I insulted our ancestors,” they write.

2. Not Brushing a Stuffy’s Teeth Right

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When I was little, I was obsessed with stuffed animals and very particular about how my parents played with them. One admits, “I didn’t brush the Squishmallow’s teeth properly.” Other mothers were quick to joke that the poor Squishmallow would likely need therapy and “extensive restorative dental care.”

3. Serving Dinner

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Mealtime can be stressful when there’s a toddler in the house. One parent simply shares that they “made and served dinner,” which was enough to torture their toddler that day.

4. Not Being Able to Make More Trains Come By

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“A train came by at the railroad crossing, after which I did nothing to conjure more trains out of thin air,” one toddler parent shares. 

5. Following Through With Their Wishes

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“I asked her if she wanted some lotion. She said no,” says one commenter. Sounds great, right? Well, this simple interaction didn’t go as smoothly as expected. “I said Ok, and didn’t give her any,” and the tantrum began. Numerous parents jokingly agree that this one was a “rookie mistake.”

6. Dressing Them in Their Favorite Clothes

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“I gave him his favorite spiderman shirt to wear. He screamed that he didn’t want to wear it and put it in his shirt drawer,” shares one tired toddler mom. But it doesn’t end there. “Then he returned, grabbed the same shirt, and put it on. Then he screamed that he didn’t want to wear it and put it back in his shirt drawer,” she writes. And the cycle goes on and on. 

7. Refusing to Listen to ‘Old McDonald’ on Repeat 

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Parents can quickly tire after listening to children’s music repeatedly (Baby Shark), but it may be in your best interest to deal with it and keep listening. “I told her to pick a different song after listening to ‘Old Mcdonald’ six times in a row,” one parent confesses. Unfortunately, it did not end well.

8. Refusing to Let Them Make the Same Mistake Again

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One parent shares their toddler’s woes with banana peels: “I let her peel a banana until the peel completely ripped off, and I couldn’t reattach it.” This in itself caused some upset. But it wasn’t over yet. “I also wouldn’t let her have a second banana victim,” they write. Cue the tears!

9. Refusing to Let Them Eat Inedible Things

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Young kids often stick random objects in their mouths that could hurt them. An exhausted parent informs, “I kept him from eating fireplace rocks.” Oh, the humanity!

10. Keeping Them From Mangling Their Mouth

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This aunt prevented her niece from chewing on sharp pincers, and the kid had a meltdown. “She was trying to carve her new set of teeth, and I stopped her from reaching her artistic legacy.”

11. Asking Them to Sleep in Their Own Bed

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The struggle is real regarding getting toddlers to sleep in their own big kid beds. An exhausted mama shares, “We are currently an hour and thirty-four minutes into insisting that my daughter goes to sleep in her own bed.”

12. Letting the Dog Look at Them

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You never really know what can set your toddler off into a tearful fit. “The dog was staring at her for too long,” writes one parent, “not sure who’s more traumatized: her or the dog.”

13. Throwing Away Their Soiled Diapers

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You’d think a kid would be thankful that their stinky diapers get disposed of, but that isn’t always the case. A father laments, “I wouldn’t let her keep her poopy diaper in her room. So I threw it away and deeply offended her.”

14. Changing Your Clothes

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Toddlers don’t like when things change without their knowledge or input. Heck, toddlers don’t enjoy it when things change, no matter what. “I changed my shirt without her permission,” writes one parent.

15. Teaching Them Spelling

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Teaching your kids can be a rewarding experience for you and your kiddos. But sometimes, kids don’t like what they learn. “We were discussing words that start with the letter ‘C,’ and she suggested ‘kitten,’ ” one mom writes. You can see where this is going. “I told her that makes sense, but the English language is weird, and kitten actually starts with a ‘K.’ HOW DARE I? She told me I’m a liar.”

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