How Would You Handle Your Teen Yelling and Closing Door In Your Face?
Raising kids is a handful. Kids are often dramatic without the tools adults develop to navigate the emotional landscape. For example, someone posed the question about dealing with a teenager who yells at you and slams the door in your face.
While I recall the “do you pay bills here” response I heard as a child, others named other actions a parent can take when battling a disrespectful teen.
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A Program for Parents
There’s a program geared toward helping parents communicate with their kids. It’s called Love and Logic Parenting touted as the “science of caring” to help build a relationship that includes healthy behaviors and respect on both sides.
They also said there are podcasts folks you can enjoy to learn this parenting method. However, they added that self-reflection is essential if both sides are yelling. Parents sometimes assume they do not need to self-reflect when dealing with a child. But doing this significant action can help increase communication and is an excellent lesson for your kid.
I had no clue this action was as common as it appears, but quite a few recommend removing the door. People stated they took their kids’ bedroom door or were on the receiving end of this action by their parents. One added that after taking the door, discuss courtesy with your teenager. Another shared that their sister had to use the bathroom to put on clothes for two weeks after their father removed her door.
Although the original poster added they did this with their eldest, and it took the kid eight months to apologize and receive their door back. So, there needs to be a different action to resolve the issue. Plus, as someone else points out, that could be an issue allowing if a fire breaks out. It can easily reach the child’s room without a door, not to mention a possible visit from CPS.
Space to Calm Down
As a parent or kid, when yelling is involved, tensions run high, and neither party is listening. So many folks suggest letting the child have space to calm down. Sometimes called a “cooling off period,” this can be a few minutes or require a day or two as everyone’s calming timeline differs.
The reason is that “nothing productive happens” if one or both parties are mad. Another parent added, do not take the behavior personally. Teenagers’ emotions can be all over the place, and it’s not always about the parent but unleashing some frustration.
A somewhat comical inclusion from another commenter is how the teen will realize they are alone and must resolve the problem before they can ask their parent for something. As someone who’s previously used this tactic, slinking out to talk because I want a game, I can concur. But talking when everyone is calm is the first step to a healthy and productive discussion.
Apology and Discussion
It’s easy to expect an apology but harder to give one. After a cooling period, one parent suggests apologizing to your teen, “even if they were wrong.” Parents need to lead by example and understand they are dealing with a teen who struggles to process their emotions healthily.
It’s up to the parent to teach them. After that, discuss their behavior and how to do better in the future. The point is to make them feel safe. Discuss mature communication methods if they’re 16 or 17; if they’re younger, talk about inappropriate behavior.
Bear in mind a forced apology is never good, mainly if the behavior inevitably repeats. It’s essentially meaningless if the kid does not understand the problem. Rather than focusing on an “I’m sorry,” teach your child actions demonstrating understanding.
This thread inspired this post.