Dead Giveaways That Scream You’re a Trashy Parent

Krystal DeVille

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Trash noun: a person or people regarded as being of very low social standing, a worthless person. Take these qualities, procreate, and you have a trashy parent. When you see a trashy parent, you know them immediately.

Several dead giveaways remove all doubt—you’re a parent and, according to one internet forum, a heaping, steaming pile of trash.

1. Partying While Pregnant

There is nothing more despicable than endangering a child. Drinking and using drugs while pregnant constitutes child abuse before the child enters the world.

Those who put a good time, or an addiction, before their child occupies the lowest depths of trash. Fetal alcohol syndrome and drug-addicted newborns are two acute symptoms of partying while pregnant.

2. Allowing Kids to Destroy Property

Letting your kids punch holes in your walls is one thing. However, letting your kids destroy other peoples’ property are lightyears trashier.

Whether a runt is too handsy with items in a store, cavalier with friends’ precious toys, or the little monster engages in other forms of property destruction, the damage ultimately falls on the parent. Moms and dads who choose to turn a blind eye or make excuses for the felonious kid are, for lack of a better word, trash.

3. Bad Teeth

There are dental problems children are born with, and there are dental problems that parents create. The latter is a surefire sign of a trashy parent. Phrases like “Mountain Dew Mouth” are dedicated to parents who allow their kids to eat and drink as they please, without regard for brushing, flossing, or sugar moderation.

As with all trashy parenting, the biggest loser is the child. A rotting smile is a prerequisite for bullying and low self-esteem; any parent should realize it.

4. Allowing Kids to Name-Call

Kids cursing has become a lowbrow form of humor. Behind every kid dropping racial slurs and F-bombs, there is a trashy parent who lets it happen, teaches the child dirty words, or both.

5. Smoking in the Car or House

Putting your own needs before your kids’ is a trashy move. Therefore, when you see someone lighting up in the car with a gaggle of kids in the back, you can bet that person makes countless other trashy decisions. The same goes for those whose home with nicotine-stained ceilings has kids living in them.

6. Trashy Bumper Stickers

One observer who has seen their fair share of trashy parents noted that a specific type of bumper sticker gives away a trashy parent in the wild. The sticker typically reads, “My kid beat up your honor student!”

7. Openly Crowning a Favorite Child

It’s perfectly acceptable to have a favorite child. It’s trash to openly discuss which child is your favorite, putting the other kids down. The drawbacks of being the second favorite are potentially life-threatening in a trash family. “Tommy is my favorite. He gets to sit in the front seat and avoid the backdraft of cigarette smoke.”

8. Kids Kicking Your Seat

The way some of these heathens kick the back of the airplane seat, you’d think their parents were training them to be the next Lionel Messi. The truth is the parents are merely teaching them to be the next generation of human garbage bags.

9. Forcing Politics on Kids

Lack of awareness is a vital part of being a trashy parent. The failure to recognize that a kid will have decades to participate in bitter political rivalries, but has only one tiny sliver of innocent childhood, is a sign of a trashy parent. 

10. Outsourcing Childcare to Children

Like farmers who used to crank out 15 children as free labor, there is a viral strain of modern parent who seems to have more children to watch the first crop of children. With a mindset of “Babysitters are expensive, and these brats need to earn their keep!” Terrible.

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