Many parents subscribe to throwing their offspring out the minute they reach 18 years old. But what do others think of parents who do that?
The overall consensus is negative as it speaks to larger issues with the parent and possibly the home. Here are some thoughts regarding parents throwing out their children from an online parenting community.
Table of Contents
1. Awful Parents
Many parents and young adults agreed that these are awful and likely abusive parents. One explained those parents prefer to repeat abuse rather than break the cycle.
Someone labeled them selfish for turning their kids out based on an arbitrary age. Another irate poster said parents who toss their kids aside because of their age, gender, or sexuality don’t “deserve to hear from their kids ever again.” And many don’t.
2. Never Wanted to Be Parents
Someone else, whose boyfriend’s parents threw him out at 18, quoted the parents as saying, “we didn’t mean to have you.” As such, they wanted him gone so they could enjoy their life.
Many parents have unplanned pregnancies and some harbor resentment that translates into tossing their kids out the minute they’re of legal age. It’s as though, another poster highlights, the only reason they kept them home till then is that they feared jail.
3. Deserve to Be Alone
From the last admission, several stated they hope the boyfriend’s parents do not have the nerve to reach out when they “get older and sicker.” In other words, keep that same energy.
Among the shared stories of kids thrown out of the home at 18, some even sooner than that was the consensus that those parents no longer exist in their lives. Be it a few years or more, several do not talk to or visit their parents, and they have no regrets. As a result, the parents miss out on the rest of their kid’s life and any grandchildren.
4. Depends on the Circumstances
Other commenters suggest that sometimes circumstances make it necessary to kick out your offspring. For example, if the kid is a danger, it’s understandable to send them packing.
However, one person points out that if you’re like their ex’s mom, who put all the kid’s stuff on the lawn after graduation and said, “you are on your own,” then you’re a horrid parent.
5. Not Parents But Birthers
I’d never heard the phrase in this context, but people said these types are not parents but “birthers.” They only provide the bare minimum of what is “legally” required.
One’s parent even said that providing kindness above “bread and water” wasn’t owed to their child. So it seems like, whatever the excuse, parents who subscribe to kicking their kids out are mostly awful people.
6. Clueless About Today’s World
A few feel the older generation, primarily boomers, were called out as responsible for this mindset. They are out of touch with the economy, where the cost of living increases while wages stagnate.
One user says if parents kick you out now, they “should be arrested,” regardless if you’re legally an adult, as it’s a “death sentence.” After all, in most places, a room rental is around $1000 if you’re lucky.
7. Forced/Arranged Marriage
Though they still do not agree, a few acknowledge that times were also different, and forced or arranged marriages were more commonplace. It was an obligation, and having children was part of it. Wanting a family did not factor into it, and while it “does not excuse” parents’ behaviors, it emphasizes the “damage” culture does.
8. It’s Cultural
It differs depending on where you are from. One Turkish user stated the only time offspring could leave their parent’s home is by moving elsewhere for school or marriage.
They wryly ended with, “there is no other way around it.” People from other cultural backgrounds, including Irish, Italian, Portuguese, and Indian. So this conduct differs according to your parents’ roots. One person flat-out states this shoddy parental behavior is American.
9. No Love in This Home
To send the message that a young adult is no longer wanted when they turn 18 means you don’t love them stated one. Encouraging your kids to seek independence is one thing, but “throwing them to the wolves” is “gross,” they added.
10. Parenting is Lifelong
Parenting is not something that ends at a particular age. As some agree, it’s a lifetime commitment. Because if you bring a child into the world, that does not stop being your child when they are adults.
A final commenter explains that raising an adult does not mean a specific age, as people mature differently. If you’re not prepared for the commitment, do not have children.
There it is!!! Most miserable 18 years of my life. Both my brother and I. Most difficult were the 3 years after he had to leave at 18. I stayed with friends, went to school and onto college as much as humanly possible.
SUCH A SAD WORLD IN WHICH WE LIVE. HOPE SENT TO ALL THOSE FORGOTTEN YOUNG ADULTS. SHAME ON THE ONES WHO THREW THEM OUT.
It used to be that a parent’s responsibility was to give their child or children the tools they needed to become an independent, productive member of society when they grew up. Right from birth a child’s milestones are a progression toward their eventual independence. When I was in high school I couldn’t wait until I was 18 and could move out of my parent’s home and make my own decisions, right or wrong. But today I see young adults in their 20’s and 30’s still living at home with mommy and daddy. How is this teaching them responsibility? I cannot imagine what this country is going to become in 20 or 30 years when this generation has the reins. I am grateful it is unlikely I will still be around to witness it. Parent’s today are not doing their children any favors by coddling them and doing everything for them. At least the parent’s that boot the kid’s out at 18 are forcing them to grow up and be responsible for themselves.
My son is 31 and lives with me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m a proud Gen Xer. I’m 54, fiercely independent, self-sufficient, and live a fulfilling, happy life. I paid for my own college education. I never asked for, nor did I expect any help- financial or otherwise- from my parents.
.I have been on my own since I was 18. And, yes,there were many times I was poor. I worked 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. No participation trophies, no safe spaces, no helicopter parenting. I get a little tired of the whiny, entitled attitudes of younger generations today. But, then again, they are the products of whiny, entitled parents who told them the sun rises and sets on them since they were born. They are in for a rude awakening. Parents are not doing them any favors by coddling or enabling them, or by allowing them to remain at home, playing Xbox…at 25, 30….Give them the boot, encourage them to spread their wings, and fly! Yes, little Timmy or Suzy will fall and God Forbid!– will struggle. That’s life!
My adult son will take the friends of his kids in, living his rules of course. These young people are good people, no drink or drugs. Some have college or trade aspirations. I cannot believe the gaul of these parents.
My daughter went to high school with group; two brothers and their girl friends who were kicked out. Daddy only wanted his new girlfriend. They were provided a rental house, but made their own $$ for every thing else. Classmates knew, but not the school. In both instances, these are decent neighborhoods.
Patrick, In my opinion, some of the respondents above, and the author of this article, are trying to say that the times are different now than when you were 18 and on your own, cost of living was cheaper, and it was easier to go on your own at 18 or 19. They conveniently do not consider that wages back then were also a lot less and finding work was a lot harder. the bottom line is when times were tough, you worked 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet, you made it work, The above ppl believe that’s unacceptable for their child or for themselves. I applaud you. They are also leaving out any mention of parents that boot their children out because they don’t follow the rules, they don’t pick up after themselves, they don’t respect them, they don’t help around the house, they don’t have a job, or any number of reasons similar to these, They are just taking advantage of their parents, I am pretty sure the writer of this article will say then in those cases it’s the parents fault they are that way, No accountability or consequences for the child who is now an adult..
Having read all the above, I wonder what the rational reason of kicking a 18 yr old out of the house, unless of course they turned out to be non-compliant and start bullying their parents in a verity of ways and may still have problems out of fear perhaps of taking steps to send those young adults to move out.
If for example the 18 yr old has a plan and is actively pursuing a reasonable plan for their future by going to school, or have a reasonable enough job/income to contribute to the household and there are good vibes between parents and young adult, then that is terrific until the time where its decided for healthier reasons to maybe move out and truly become independent, but getting back to the 18 year old hung over deadbeat child sucking off the Teet of the parents and not doing anything , then I think it’s time to enforce the boot. I’m a boomer/old school, and believe in reality checks, as beautiful as the world is in extremes it is equally if not more so as dangerous and unforgivingly ugly. Teach your children well, prepare them for reality as early and best as possible for the worst-case scenarios and hope for the best. But once they go off the rails and by 18 no change, and they are young adults, time to go. Think Menendez brothers and their parents, far too common in this day and age.
My partner raised his son alone from 5 y/o till I came in the picture when he was 9y/o. We had him full time with us until he turned 14 y/o and his mother asked to have him half the time. We accepted. These were the worst years. Coparenting was impossible, the kid started to lie, hide things, fail his classes, started to have a very poor attitude and disrespectful. So one month before he turn 17 y/o we asked him to choose if he wanted to stay with us and live by our rules or live full time with his mother. He chose to live with his mother. We didn’t technically kick him out but he is no longer with us at all and we all feel such a sense of relief. Our life is back to peaceful, there is no stress. We do not plan to ever have him live with us again. He lives at his mother and he’ll live there until he moves out. His mother moved out of her parents place at the age of 37 y/o so I guess she has the mentality of keeping him with her forever. Now my partner and I have peace and are planning on having our own kids. We did everything we could for his son but his attitude added up to coparenting all of a sudden with his mother was just not something we wanted to do anymore.
It’s a two-way street, If the kids sot around playing video ganes all day then wpi;d throw them out in a heartbeat