As the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
However, what happens when some village members seem missing in action? For many parents, the support and involvement of their extended family is crucial for their child’s growth and development. But what if those family members don’t try to be a part of their grandchild’s life?
These are thoughts and replies from a recent online forum.
Table of Contents
It’s Not Your Job To Bring Your Baby to Other People
Absolutely! Why should you be the one running around with a baby in tow? They should come to you! You’ve got your hands full, caring for the little one, and they can’t even make an effort to visit? It’s their loss, really.
Don’t feel guilty about it. They’re the grandparents, after all, and if they want to be part of their grandchild’s life, they should show up. You’re not their personal chauffeur. You deserve support and understanding, not the burden of always bringing the baby to them.
Hell No, You’re Not in the Wrong
Damn right! You’re not in the wrong at all. It’s their responsibility as grandparents to make an effort to see their grandkids.
You’re not some kind of delivery service, ferrying the baby back and forth just so they can have their precious time. If they genuinely cared, they’d knock on your door, ready to spend quality time with the little one. Don’t let their lack of effort get to you. Your priority is caring for your child, not catering to their convenience.
If They Don’t Make the Effort That’s on Them
Who needs the hassle of packing up all the baby essentials and dragging them across town? If they really want to see their grandchild, they should make it easier for everyone and come to you. It’s not like you’re sitting around twiddling your thumbs. They’re the ones missing out on creating beautiful memories with their grandkid because they can’t be bothered to make the trip. Let them deal with the consequences of their choices. You’ve got enough on your plate already.
You Are Not Wrong, Don’t Let Them Get to You
Don’t you dare doubt yourself! You are absolutely not wrong here. Don’t let their guilt trips or complaining get under your skin. They’re the ones who should be stepping up, not you. You’re doing your best as a parent, and that’s what matters. Their lack of effort reflects poorly on them, not on you. Keep your chin up and focus on the love and care you provide for your child. You’re doing an amazing job, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
You’re Not in the Wrong at All, but I’d Try and Get Closure
No, you’re definitely not in the wrong. But hey, it might be worth seeking some closure on this issue. It sucks when the people who should be there for you and your baby just can’t be bothered. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and find a way to move forward. Accept that they might not change, and that’s on them. It’s about finding peace within yourself and focusing on the people who do show up. Don’t let their actions define your happiness or your child’s.
Their Relationship With Your Baby Is Their Own Responsibility
Absolutely spot on! The ball is in their court when it comes to building a relationship with your little one. It’s not your job to make sure they have a bond with their grandchild. They’re the ones who need to put in the effort, reach out, and show genuine interest. You’re doing your part by taking care of your child and providing love and support. The rest is up to them. Don’t carry the burden of their lack of involvement. They’re missing out, and it’s their loss.
It’s Not My Job as a Parent To Ensure Someone Has a Relationship With My Child
Preach! You hit the nail on the head there. Your primary role as a parent is to love, protect, and nurture your child, not to play matchmaker between them and their grandparents. If they want to have a relationship, they should step up and make it happen. It’s not on you to ensure that connection. Focus on creating a loving and supportive environment for your little one, and let the great/grandparents take responsibility for their own actions or lack thereof.
You’re Not Wrong. They Can Make an Effort
They can make an effort if they truly want to be involved in their grandchild’s life. It’s not too much to ask for them to show some initiative and visit. Don’t let them guilt-trip you into thinking otherwise. Your child deserves to have a relationship with their grandparents, but it’s not solely your responsibility to make that happen. Stand your ground and let them know that the door is open, but they need to take the first step.
I Will Never Understand Our Parents
You’re absolutely right, and it’s a total head-scratcher. They’re quick to call everyone lazy, but when it comes to putting in some effort themselves, suddenly it’s a different story. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? They can’t have it both ways. You’re not asking for the moon, just a little bit of effort and involvement. Don’t let their hypocritical behavior bring you down. Stick to your guns and let them know that their grandchild deserves their attention and time. The choice is theirs to make.
Yes, You’re Busy, but You’re an Average Working Parent
No doubt about it, you’re not wrong here. They can definitely make an effort. We all know how busy life can be, especially as a working parent. But hey, that doesn’t excuse their lack of involvement. You’re doing your best, juggling responsibilities, and still finding time for your child. It’s not too much to ask for them to do the same. Don’t let them make you feel guilty or doubt yourself. Keep being the amazing parent you are, and let them know they need to step up if they want a relationship with their grandkid.
I have TERRIBLE GUILT over this issue, as I LOVE babies and my grandchildren, though haven’t been with 2 of 4 in over a year. It is a LONG story, but basically I am now in my now in early 70’s and still have a mother who is 100 1/2 old and have chronic depression, panic attacks and C-CPTSD from years of neglect and abuse. I can write volumes of what occurred during the years of raising them, after divorcing their abusive father who also abandoned ANY relationship/contact. My boys are in 40’s. 2 sons I am VERY proud of as they had made good lives and family life. I helped when I could financially, and driving to their homes to help care while worked, fill time with chores, which was I was HAPPY to do, as I knew what it was like raising 3 sons on my own. Long story short I needed help with my own home at times and KNEW they were busy with THEIR FAMILY duties. I did not have occasions in my house as it was not suitable for gatherings. I had several dinners I SUPPLIED EVERYTHING…down to bringing and setttng up at my mother’s house. That also had it’s own problems. Point is…I also have an alcoholic son, as their father was, and he HAS taken up ALOT of my life and energy, I admit. BUT….I WAS JUMPING in any was possible with my other 2 sons with children. Well, as anything…I never had another mate, no other ‘village’ as the ‘in-laws’ did have. I am NOT discounting…just different advantage. MY HEALTH has declined from 53 yrs of caretaker for parents and my kids. I was diagnosed with Cancer last year and still not sure if I have stage 4 breast cancer, but I did have nodule on my lung removed last Dec. Life gets harder, people passing, depression, panic attacks, etc, and my love for driving went to 2 on scale. I stay home. I don’t have ANY MOTIVATION…NONE. Stress through the roof, and I’ve tried to explain since pre-Covid. Now they do not talk to me (yes they have very busy lives), but I’m the ‘bad grandparent”. It has made me wish I could disappear. My 100 yr old mother went into assisted living, and that somewhat releases SOME stress, but not really for sibling who does what drama. I can’t get into MORE as too draining. Does ANYONE out there understand I DO LOVE THEM.. I am TIRED to the bone. VERY BAD DEPRESSION. I would and have met them when they’ve been nearby, but I’m still not called to even know if dead or alive. BTW – i am not even leaving my house. don’t travel, and home needs repairs. I do NOT bother them. I am on disability and on limi
I have TERRIBLE GUILT over this issue, as I LOVE babies and my grandchildren, though haven’t been with 2 of 4 in over a year. It is a LONG story, but basically I am now in my now in early 70’s and still have a mother who is 100 1/2 old and have chronic depression, panic attacks and C-CPTSD from years of neglect and abuse. I can write volumes of what occurred during the years of raising them, after divorcing their abusive father who also abandoned ANY relationship/contact. My boys are in 40’s. 2 sons I am VERY proud of as they had made good lives and family life. I helped when I could financially, and driving to their homes to help care while worked, fill time with chores, which was I was HAPPY to do, as I knew what it was like raising 3 sons on my own. Long story short I needed help with my own home at times and KNEW they were busy with THEIR FAMILY duties. I did not have occasions in my house as it was not suitable for gatherings. I had several dinners I SUPPLIED EVERYTHING…down to bringing and setttng up at my mother’s house. That also had it’s own problems. Point is…I also have an alcoholic son, as their father was, and he HAS taken up ALOT of my life and energy, I admit. BUT….I WAS JUMPING in any was possible with my other 2 sons with children. Well, as anything…I never had another mate, no other ‘village’ as the ‘in-laws’ did have. I am NOT discounting…just different advantage. MY HEALTH has declined from 53 yrs of caretaker for parents and my kids. I was diagnosed with Cancer last year and still not sure if I have stage 4 breast cancer, but I did have nodule on my lung removed last Dec. Life gets harder, people passing, depression, panic attacks, etc, and my love for driving went to 2 on scale. I stay home. I don’t have ANY MOTIVATION…NONE. Stress through the roof, and I’ve tried to explain since pre-Covid. Now they do not talk to me (yes they have very busy lives), but I’m the ‘bad grandparent”. It has made me wish I could disappear. My 100 yr old mother went into assisted living, and that somewhat releases SOME stress, but not really for sibling who does what drama. I can’t get into MORE as too draining. Does ANYONE out there understand I DO LOVE THEM.. I am TIRED to the bone. VERY BAD DEPRESSION. I would and have met them when they’ve been nearby, but I’m still not called to even know if dead or alive. BTW – i am not even leaving my house. don’t travel, and home needs repairs. I do NOT bother them. I am on disability and on limited income. I am told I do not have family dinners, or I DON”T VISIT THEM. I paid for dinners out or things for kids, anything I COULD do at the time. THEY HAVE the accommodations, I do not. My house in disarray. I’ve always gone there till recent two years.